Compiled by Cassie Chambers
With the Olympics drawing closer, Westminster has clearly caught the competitive bug. This week saw multiple manifestations of this fighting spirit, including PMQ standoffs, intra-party brawls, and one very bizarre shouting session.
The first competition that popped onto our Twitter radar was the final round of a weekly battle: David Cameron v Ed Milliband in PMQs. This week's session saw the two sides hurl insults, lose tempers, and generally behave like secondary school students. So who came out on top of this very mature, ministerial debate?
We're declaring this fight a draw.
But with PMQs out for the summer, what will we do for a tie-breaker? We suggest our personal favourite dispute-settling technique: mud wrestling. (Might be a nice change from their usual mud-slinging?)
Although the Cameron-Miliband competition was supposed to be the main event at the final PMQs, the limelight was stolen by an unlikely side-show: Anne Marie Morris. Although who she was fighting and/or why wasn't exactly clear, we're going to use the honourable lady's wild gesticulations and indignant howl as conclusive evidence she was victorious. With attack moves like that, how could she not be?
OMG is this Anne Marie Morris MP for real? Too much caffeine? — Isabel Oakeshott (@IsabelOakeshott) July 11, 2012
Jesus what's Anne Marie Morris taking? — Matthew Goodwin (@GoodwinMJ) July 11, 2012
If Anne Marie Morris MP tweets, I bet it's ALL IN CAPITALS! — Fiona James (@dalekwidow) July 12, 2012
We're definitely putting our money on Morris in future fights. We're also writing a letter to the British Olympics committee recommending she be put on the UK's Greco-Roman wrestling team (yes, that is a real sport).
But perhaps the most surprising fight to break out this week was between Cameron and his own party. Clearly, the competitive atmosphere has got a little out of hand in parliament, as parties are now brawling amongst themselves. As if there weren't enough Tory-Labour disputes to go around.
Jesse Norman says Lords Reform is a distraction from "howling economic gale" but actually his rebellion quite time consuming too. — Huw Green (@Huwtube) July 11, 2012
#lords Forget Haye v Chisora. This is the moment 'Dancing' Dave Cameron went toe to toe with Jesse 'No Mercy' Norman: telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/… — Christopher Hope (@christopherhope) July 11, 2012
So Cameron sanctioned the Tory 'rebellion'...how do you feel Nick? Was it worth doing what you've done to the NHS? — Jamie Reed (@jreedmp) July 10, 2012
Seems Cameron gave tacit approval for the Tory rebellion. Message to Lib Dems - you've just been shafted. — Nick Button (@nick_button1) July 10, 2012
It appears that Cameron was able to win this fight by just a hair on his rapidly balding head. He may not be so lucky with Lords Reform next time round—maybe it's time to invest in some Rogaine just to be safe?
The final competition we're covering this week is the ongoing battle between bankers and politicians. And bankers and the public. And bankers and pretty much everyone.
Maybe it's time to jump inside your safe, Barclays employees – this might be one fight you don't want any part of. Make sure to take plenty of packets of crisps - we predict this scandal isn't going away anytime soon.
With parliament all but out for the summer, it looks like the Olympics will arrive just in time to ensure you meet your outrageous-scuffle daily requirements. Personally, we recommend a healthy dose of synchronised swimming and rhythmic gymnastics to fill in for the political competition withdrawal.
Best of luck.