Compiled by Cassie Chambers
With school about to let out for the year, this week's Twitter round up is designed to provide you with a topical guide to keep your brain from going to mush in the summer sun. We've searched the Twittersphere to compile an introduction to all the key school subjects. Read on to learn everything you need to know about economics, biology, and international relations.
Yes, we know those words bring back traumatic memories of frog dissections and bad fashion choices, but trust us: we promise you new knowledge guaranteed to impress even the most attractive person at your next cocktail party.
Economics: The first topic we'd like to educate you about is an essential for all would-be academics. Since we don't exactly spend our days hanging out in ivory towers, this was a topic we struggled to wrap our minds around. So, we decided to use Jimmy Carr as a case study for our economics 101 primer.
Agree with David Cameron saying Jimmy Carr's tax avoidance " morally wrong". We need that money to fire missiles into the homes of shepherds— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) June 20, 2012
Jimmy Carr apologises for only paying 1% tax in a legal loophole.. Never mind the bloody apology give us all your accountants phone number !— Mark Jenkins (@thehotel_Mark) June 21, 2012
As far as I understand jimmy carr has the same tax arrangements as bankers but hasn't gambled away the wealth of this country. Correct?— hardeep singh kohli (@misterhsk) June 21, 2012
David Cameron: Jimmy Carr is morally wrong to take advantage of this totally legal tax strategy we set up exclusively for my friends.— Sii Bo (@siibo) June 21, 2012
Jimmy Carr has apologised for legally paying less tax. In other news, the Pope apologises for 'being Catholic'.— The Poke(@ThePoke) June 21, 2012
Jimmy Carr is feeling guilty, an emotional low. Fragile. A cracking time to tap him for a few grand.— Brian Limond (@DaftLimmy) June 21, 2012
No David Cameron: forgetting your kid and leaving her in a pub is morally wrong. #jimmycarr— Nerina Pallot (@ladychatterley) June 21, 2012
Our takeaway: interpreting rules on taxes is kind of like interpreting modern art—as long as your explanation sounds convincing it's some version of true.
Biology: This subject was arguably the most traumatic for us to dive into, as awkward memories of "Miracle of Life" videos proved a major obstruction on our path to knowledge. Lucky for us, the great institution of medical knowledge, the NHS, is always there for us to turn to for useful information about human biology. Oh…wait…
NHS doctors on strike, fine, sunny weather. Police are warning of heavy Mercedes traffic & overcrowded golf courses. #doctorsstrike— Peter Demetris (@peter_demetris) June 20, 2012
Tomorrow seems as good a day as any to launch my 'Surgery In A Transit' business, I diagnose patients in the back of a van. #doctorsstrike— Oli Pendrey (@oli_pendrey) June 20, 2012
"doctor doctor i feel like a pair of curtains""f&ck off I'm on strike"#DoctorsStrike— Kenny Senior (@mrkennysenior) June 21, 2012
#doctorsstrike How many GPs does it take to change a light bulb? None the nurse does it.— CherryB (@FreshlyStarched) June 20, 2012
So no biology lessons for this intellectual guide. It's okay though—fluids, membranes, and viruses don't make for good dinner conversation anyway.
The final topic we decided to delve into was international relations. Since it seemed like a kind of made up subject to us, we thought we'd use a case study to wrap our minds around this discipline. Lucky for us, the Rio+20 summit offered the perfect opportunity to glean some useful information. But the more we looked into the topic, the more confused we became: we thought this was supposed to be a meeting of world leaders, yet all the major players appeared to be missing?
Oh well, at least we weren't the only ones confused about Rio+20.
Have sent Mr Clegg to Rio for an environment summit. He's so excited. He thought Rio was only a song.— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) June 20, 2012
So there you have it: our slightly dodgy crib notes to improve your knowledge of all the key cocktail party conversation topics. We'd threaten you with an exam, but it turns out the British government has big plans to reform those nasty anxiety-inducers. Oh well, we feel like with this introduction, your cocktail conservation is sure to reach at least an O-level.
A bit uncertain as to how changing GCSEs to O-Levels will help education any more than changing Starburst to Opal Fruits would help obesity.— Simon Howard (@sjhoward) June 20, 2012
GCSEs are too easy? I'd like to see the government sit down and complete every exam and get an A then. FOOLS— Neil, the baby ? (@lolitsholl) June 21, 2012
Instead of GCSEs, Gove says all 16 year olds will be released into the wilderness to go on a vision quest. Like in the good old days.— Steve Death (@Its_Death) June 21, 2012
Rumours GCSEs are to be scrapped and O-levels bought back. I know they like Thatcher, but must we relive the 80s?— Chris Wallace (@CJWallace91) June 20, 2012
1000s of young people taking GCSEs today . At time when they need confidence boost, they are being told that their exams are worthless #SUFS— NASUWT (@nasuwtunion) June 21, 2012
Seems like the government should maybe spend the summer doing some studying/learning/general reducing of ignorance of their own.
With that, we hereby order you to stop watching Youtube videos on your PC and get to work learning something useful. As for us, we're heading to the pub for a beer.