Sketch: A diminished David

Thursday, 8 October 2009 6:19 PM

David Cameron looked exhausted as he gave his leader's speech to the Conservative party conference. Maybe a long holiday might be better idea than a job in No 10.

By Alex Stevenson

Have some pity for the poor man. The leader of the Conservative party has laboured long and hard to get the Conservatives electable. He's struggled through a haze of European pitfalls over the last week. Now, having seen a party eager for government, it looked as if he's realised the burden that's been placed upon him. Perhaps this was why he gave the most pitiable speech of his political career.

It started badly enough. The personality-cult-boosting video, reminding all and sundry how marvellous he has been, cut to the small door through which so many Tory giants have tottered in the last week. Cameron emerged like a bemused guest on Noel Edmond's House Party. He waved vaguely with one hand, clutching his speech with the other, before adopting a humble, serious tone.

"Let me get straight to the point. We all know how bad things are," he began, plunging the conference hall back into doom-and-gloom. It had been briefly lifted by the powerfully choreographed illumination of blue skies and wispy Tory clouds. But now, despite the fact they continued to placidly drift from left to right (how adequate), it was the language which was dampening the mood.

"We will be tested. I will be tested." He appeared rather terrified by the thought, quivering in his boots as he outlined the "tough" and "painful" future facing his political career. This was not a speech which would have the delegates rolling in the aisles.

Things could only get better, but they didn't. It was a world away from gleeful champagne receptions where exultant Tories anticipated a glorious victory. Instead, sober delegates listened as Cameron moved from a bitterly fought foreign war, through the misery of our pensioners and our crime-infested cities, to the morale-sapping broken society so central to his grey-tinted vision.

"In Britain today there is a dark side," he croaked. If only John Williams had been on hand to provide the slow version of the Darth Vader theme. As it was, it was a wonder those at the back of the tiered seating didn't throw themselves to their death. What an awful place this country is, and what an awful government Gordon Brown is leading. "You have failed," Cameron told the prime minister. This appeared to warrant a standing ovation.

Did Cameron fail? The ending was botched, as he held his hands out and told delegates that "you made it happen". politics.co.uk can reasonably infer he was talking about getting through the recession, to the British people, but it was sufficiently confusing that someone only half-listening - or watching it later on the news - might think he was congratulating the Tories for an election victory not yet won. Cameron beamed with relief as he finished, showering his lady wife Samantha with kisses. Clearly what had passed before was all for show. But did the miserabilist tone work?

This was not Cameron striking the personal touch, but something a little more detached. Not now, darling, he seemed to say to the British people, for he was busy preparing to deal with the enormous headache of broken Britain. Too distracted to lay out a positive vision, he appeared to add, with the air of one telling the wife to just go away and cook the dinner. Now that's what I call family values.

It seemed rather sad the best bit was the section when he addressed the death of his six-year-old son Ivan earlier this year. Cameron's voice broke as he name-checked his wife as the animal, object or mineral that sustains him most. It was genuinely touching. It perfectly illustrated his commitment to family. It fitted in well with the wider theme of an embattled, but visionary, leader.

The problem was the wider theme didn't work. Cameron appeared to have lost some of his vitality, his freshness. This was not the freshly-scrubbed leader of the opposition we have come to know and compare to Tony Blair. Instead we had a rather hoarse, cautious middle-aged purple-tie-wearer, who coughed desperately several times during breaks for applause. The few occasions when he did get worked up were notable mainly for their infrequency. It was about as lifeless as you could have got from the man likely to sweep to power next year.

He has taken his party on a long journey from the 2005 defeat to electability. Now, apparently exhausted by the effort, he is gazing upon the next challenge of coming to government amid recession.

"It will be a steep climb. But the view from the summit will be worth it," he said. William Hague, who knows the value of a good five-year break from frontbench politics, sat impressively behind him. Voters might conclude from today's performance Cameron could do with a similar rest, rather than have him climb the mountain now facing him.

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