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PMQs as-it-happened

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By Ian Dunt

This event is now over but you can see how it happened below.

11:00 – Well Mandy’s spat with Osborne this morning appears to have thrown today’s session into the realm of unpredictability. The business secretary spent most of this morning on Sky News and the BBC telling viewers of the shadow chancellor’s “untruth” over Tory access to the combined online information system. Whatever that is. You don’t say that sort of thing unless you’re sure of yourself, so Labour presumably feel they’ve caught the Tories on a dirty tricks campaign here. Expect Brown to bring it up, and the prime minister rarely brings up anything without mentioning it at least twice. It seems likely Cameron will aim for ID cards in his series of question, what with a surreptitious passport sized get-out clause to yesterday’s already fudged announcement. But there’s always the economy, or a more holistic approach along the lines of his response to the Building Britain’s Future release on Monday. And for dessert, there’s John Bercow’s increasingly witty and well-timed requests for members to quieten down.

11:58 – Well the chambers full to the brim now, with MPs crowded into the aisles as usual. Cabinet Office questions are just winding down. Brown is in his seat writing up some last minute notes. He stands, flanked by Tessa Jowell on one side and Harriet Harman on the other, like Colonel Gadaffi’s bodyguards.

12:02 – A question from Bob Spink on the armed forces, leads Brown into a congratulatory few minutes on the army. Brown says a Cobra meeting took place this morning to assess the swine flu threat. Beside him, Peter Hain’s tan looks bizarre and orange even with the sun shining beautifully across the UK. Jim McGovern asks a long winded question on the composition of the Black Watch, which my military understanding is too weak to explain.

12:05 – Cameron gets up. He wants to move on from capital spending to total spending. Will it be cut after 2011. It will be on zero per cent rise at 2013. Roars, and Bercow shouts “order”. “I think that answer gets zero per cent,” Cameron says. He holds up a Treasury presentation that says there will be a reduction in medium term spending. If the Treasury is saying public spending will be cut why can’t the PM admit it? he asks.

12:06 – Brown says the debate is about how to return to growth and jobs in the economy. It’s rare that Brown is vague on figures and Cameron is precise. Bit of a turn around. Brown asks Cameron why Osborne was going into TV studies yesterday saying he would cut spending on schools and the New Deal. Cameron: “Today we see a prime minister in full retreat.” He compares the first two answers, framing the second as Brown admitting he will cut public spending. There’s something uniquely childish and immature about this. “I’m glad the prime minister is talking to the chancellor for the first time in weeks,” Cameron jokes. Brown: I’ve already made it clear spending on health and education will see current levels rise. “We’re doing it to take us out of recession.” He again frames Tory plans as isolated internationally. Cameron calls it “complete nonsense”.

12:10 – “He keeps talking about this ten per cent. I don’t know if he knows how much damage it’s doing to him,” Cameron says. Bercow shuts up Labour MPs. Cameron says government figures show a seven per cent cut across the board, which goes up to ten per cent if you maintain health and 13.2 per cent if you maintain education. Will he have a spending review? Brown is on the ropes here. He asks if Cameron is basing his assumptions on unemployment rising – “because he will do absolutely nothing about it. We will not forecast our spending plans on unemployment being higher in 2014.”

12:12 – “This is one of the most feeble performances I’ve ever seen. If Peter Mandelson hadn’t been so busy visiting TV studios this morning he could have given him some tuition,” Cameron says, then repeats the question. Brown says it would be wrong to have a spending review “at this stage” because things are in flux. Brown calls the Tories the party of unemployment, and argues all their spending plans are based on an assumption unemployment will rise. They only want the cuts so they can pay for inheritance tax cuts for the very rich. “The prime minister seems completely unaware that unemployment is rising as a result of his policies. The prime minister seems blissfully unaware of what’s going on in a country he’s supposed to be running,” Cameron says. Labour will cut capital spending and public spending and is not being straight with the British people. Brown says he knows the truth about the Tories now – they assume unemployment will rise, Labour want to get people back into work.

12:15 – Nick Clegg gets up. “This bogus debate on public spending hit new lows.” He wants Mandy and Osborne to go on another cruise together to make up – a reference to the Russian yacht affair. They’re both deliberately choosing to trade insults so they don’t have to tell the truth, he argues. Brown says Clegg isn’t bothering to tell anyone his policies.

12:21 – Clegg attacks Brown for planning to sign on Trident during the recess. Brown says his views on the matter are already clear.

12:22 – Neil Turner asks a question on disadvantaged school children. Brown responds by spouting figures for investment in Wigan and a neighbourhood renewal fund. But he backs his previous actions. Mark Simmonds asks what further reductions of health expenditure are coming up. Brown again says he is raising spending on health this year and the next. He attacks the Tories in a pedestrian and rudimentary way.

12:24 – Dennis McShane gives Brown a present of a question on the Tories new friends in the EU – homophobes and weirdos, according to him. “What people will find very sad is a Tory party on the fringes of Europe,” Brown says. Jo Swinson asks about swine flu. Would Brown recall parliament if there are developments over the summer? Brown urges her to wait for the health secretary’s statement tomorrow. Gordon Banks asks about Diagio, which scrapped many Scottish jobs today. What’s he going to do? “Where there is unemployment we are ready to help,” Brown replies. Jack Straw is looking very swish in a marvellous blue suit, by the way. Lembit Opik – yes that one – asks about charges against certain individuals in Iran, all of whom are of the Baha’i faith. Will Brown help? The PM says he is “deeply disappointed” by the Iranian regime. He says the case will take place in a closed court. “This action is unjustified and it is unacceptable.” The UK will continue to raise concerns with Iran.

12:28 – There’s lots of purple on the Labour benches today. It’s clearly in fashion. Every other tie appears to be regal. More angry questions from the Tory benches prompt Brown to defend his spending plans again, and – yes, once again – resort to the Tory cuts line. “They have no plan for jobs, nothing to offer the British electorate but cheap jibes.”

12:30 – The last question goes to Geoffrey Clifton Brown, who asks about the learning and skills council decision to stop funding a disability training institution. Brown says he has set aside £2.3 billion for specialist schools and services, and then turns that into a bigger point on the need for money, a side swipe at the Tories. And with that last salvo, the session starts winding down. Clear victory for Cameron today. Hands down – no contest. But it was Clegg, far off to the side of the chamber, who seemed most on the money, and in touch with the public. Shame they don’t splice up some of his comments on the evening news. Cameron focuses on Brown’s half-truths, Brown focuses on Tory cuts. But the public will just see two men who will have to cut spending, pointing at each other and accusing the other of cutting spending. Depressing. See you next week.